


Secrets And Lies

by Cherrys_Criminal_Mind



Category: Criminal Minds, Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Lies, Romance, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-05 18:26:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6716188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrys_Criminal_Mind/pseuds/Cherrys_Criminal_Mind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When will Y/N and Spencer learn that their actions have consequences and that they aren’t always pretty?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Y/N and Spencer parted from each other as the song ended, a look which they both understood passing between them. They retreated to the teams table at the FBI Spring Gala, excuses running through each of their heads.

“I’m feeling a little drunk” Y/N offered up first, JJ offering to escort her back to her hotel room. Y/N shook her head, it was only two floors up; she’d be fine.

Twenty minutes later and Spencer rubbed his temple’s, complaining of a headache. “I might just go and lie down for a while” he told JJ, missing the look she shot Emily over his shoulder.

“Sure, Spencer okay. You get some rest. You gonna call Georgia and let her know how tonight was? Shame she couldn’t make it.”

Spencer nodded and made his way around the tables and out of the room. Why did they have to mention Georgia? It only made him feel guilty and reminded him that what he was about to do, what he’d been doing for the last four months, was so wrong.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, he couldn’t believe he even was doing this. Spencer Reid, a long time girlfriend AND sleeping with his work colleague and best friend? No one would have ever believed it surely?

But it was happening, and it had been happening since a horrific case four months ago. Y/N had been distant on the way home from work and Spencer had taken it upon himself to go to her apartment later that evening to check on her. Georgia was out of town lecturing so he had nothing to do anyway. When he’d found Y/N crying into a glass of wine, the stress of the last week at work too much for her, he’d held her, comforting her. But the comforting had led to something else, a moment passing between them, a deep look. And then they were tearing at each others clothes, kissing and tasting each other like there was no tomorrow.

But tomorrow did come, and the guilt came. So Y/N and Spencer promised that it was just a one off. A moment between two friends, no one had to know, Georgia certainly didn’t have to know. It didn’t mean anything.

But it did. It meant so much, to the both of them, something they only admitted three weeks later when Y/N found herself knocking on his apartment door at 12:17am. She knew Georgia was out of town again, and she knew Spencer would answer to her.

So it had happened again, in the bed that Spencer shared with his girlfriend when she was home. And when the morning came, they promised each other once more that it wouldn’t happen again. It couldn’t happen again right? Spencer loved Georgia.

He did. But he knew now that he loved Y/N too, and he’d loved her for a lot longer than Georgia even if it was only friend love for a while. Now it was more though. Now it seemed that Y/N was his perfect partner, the missing puzzle piece in the jigsaw of his life. And she felt the same, not that she told him directly.

The guilt burned through Spencer’s veins every time he texted her, every time he even looked at her. But when they were together, he didn’t think about it. When he was with her, he forgot everything else that was happening in the world and it was like only they two existed.

He made his way to her hotel room, pulling out her spare key card that she’d slipped to him earlier and pushing open the door. Y/N’s shower was running, a trail of her clothes leading from the bed to the bathroom. Spencer’s own clothes joined them piece by piece as he made his way into the bathroom, slipping into the shower behind Y/N.

She immediately turned around and pressed her wet naked body to his, her arms looping around his neck as she caught his lips in a kiss that could easily make him forget his own name.

Their bodies melded together in the way they had done more often than either Spencer or Y/N cared to admit. They knew what they were doing was so wrong but it felt so right. Y/N wanted him, needed him right now and he felt exactly the same.

They moved from the shower, to the bed, even rolling onto the floor at one point in a fit of giggles before righting themselves and continuing their worship of each other. During the brief recovery times they allowed themselves, they talked. Not about _her_ , but they made plans. Plans that they knew wouldn’t come to anything unless Spencer left Georgia, something he knew he’d have to do sooner or later.

But Y/N hadn’t asked him to do that.

That was part of the problem.

Y/N traced the outline of his face with her fingers, a map she’d memorised weeks ago. It was around 5am and she was sore and achy but she didn’t want to go to sleep because then she’d wake up and it would be tomorrow. And then Spencer would have to go home and she wouldn’t be with him.

She hated that, with a passion. She used to like Georgia as well, the first few times Spencer had bought her out with the team, Y/N had made an effort to get to know her. As Spencer’s best friend and close colleague, it was her duty to like his girlfriend. And she WAS a nice person.

But she wasn’t right for him. Y/N had thought that from day one, not that she’d voiced her feelings because she couldn’t give a specific reason as to why she thought that. Now she realised though that it was because she was secretly in love with Spencer. And that she secretly wanted him for herself.

She snuggled into his side, his arm holding her tightly against him. She loved him and she wanted him to belong to her the way she belonged to him.

But she couldn’t ask him to leave his girlfriend could she? He had to come to that decision himself, right?

What if though… What if he was waiting for her to ask? What if he was waiting for her to tell him she was so truly, madly and deeply in love with him. A love so irrecoverable from that she knew she was ruined for anyone else.

“Spencer….. ”

“Hmmmm?” his voice was raspy with the lack of sleep, his fingers drawing lazy patterns on her skin.

“I….. nothing.” She backed out, knowing once she said it that there was no going back. Right now they could try and kid themselves that it was just lust even though they were both fully aware that it wasn’t. Once those words were spoken, that was it. Decisions had to be made and someone was going to get hurt. And Y/N was petrified it would be her.

“No…. There’s something. Tell me” Spencer tilted her face up to his, his eyes searching hers.

“I can’t tell you”

Oh gosh, how quickly she’d ruined this moment. She could feel her chest tightening with emotion, with the frustration at not being able to tell the man she loved that she WAS in love with him.

“Yes you can, Y/N. You can tell me anything, you know that” he murmured to her, pressing a soft his to her forehead.

“Not this. I want to but… I can’t. You know though, don’t you?” her voice was filled with so much meaning, so much emphasis. He nodded.

“You know that I’m the same right?” he asked her and she felt the emotion that she’d been holding in, breaking free, a tear sliding down her face.

Spencer pulled her close again, pressing his head to hers.

“I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t stand to feel this way, it’s not right. What we’re doing isn’t right.”

Y/N’s heart started to break knowing it was going to be over shortly. This was where it ended, where they ended. It had to be.

She thought back to the dance they’d shared only hours ago. She’d been happy. In reality she was dancing with someone else’s partner but in her head, she was dancing with her boyfriend.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Another three months had gone by since that night in the hotel room. It hadn’t gone down as Y/N had envisioned it, Spencer hadn’t broken it off with her and broken her heart.

Instead he’d gently coaxed out of her the words she’d been so scared of speaking, replying with his own declaration of love and adoration for her.

“So what happens now?” she’d asked.

“I’ll leave Georgia so we can be together, if that’s what you want.”

“Spencer, this isn’t just about what I want. This won’t work if it’s just about me. You have to want this to. Because it’s a big ask for you to hurt the person you’ve been with for so long.”

“But if I don’t hurt her, I’m hurting you. And myself. I want this, I want you. It’s wrong how this has happened, but it has. We have to accept that. We did something wrong and we have to make it right.”

So when he’d crept out of Y/N’s room that morning, it was with a promise that once Georgia arrived home that evening, he’d end things. And that he’d let Y/N know as soon as it was done.

So she waited, all night. For a phone call, a text message, a knock at her door that never came. And by the early hours of the morning she’d convinced herself that their conversation earlier had been a lie, and that Spencer just hadn’t been able to handle letting her down to her face. She berated herself for being so dumb, so stupid. For believing the words of a man that would cheat on his girlfriend. Y/N worked herself into a state and when it was time for work the next morning, she had one hell of a job trying to cover her puffy eyes and dry lips from all of the crying.

She was sure she’d managed it though until a moment on the teams jet. Y/N had gone to the bathroom and when she opened the door to leave, JJ was standing there waiting for her.

“Everything okay?” she asked, her concerned blue eyes searching Y/N’s face.

“Erm yeah. Every thing’s fine.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been very quiet this morning and….. Well, you don’t seem yourself right now. If there’s anything you want to talk about, we can you know.”

She very nearly tugged Jennifer into the bathroom with her then, ready to break down and spill all of the details of hers and Spencer’s sordid affair. But she glanced down the aisle and saw Spencer look up from his book, catching her eye.

“Every thing’s fine JJ. I just didn’t sleep well last night that’s all.”

The blonde profiler chose to let it go as Y/N moved passed her and back to her seat, avoiding Spencer’s gaze.

Later that night when the team were at their motel, Y/N heard a knock on her door as she was getting ready for bed. Thinking it was JJ coming to pry again, she opened the door to see it was Spencer and immediately tried to close it on him. She wasn’t in the mood for this. Not here, not now. He blocked her move and pushed into the room, closing the door behind him.

“I need to explain” he said quietly as she looked every where in the room but at him.

“No you don’t, it’s fine. I get it.”

“Y/N……Look at me, please.”

When she didn’t, Spencer crossed the room to her and gently cupped her chin with his hand, turning her face to his.

“I couldn’t do it yesterday. I _will_ do it, I swear it. But I can’t do it right now” his hazel eyes were full of conflict and emotion and Y/N wanted to pull away from him but found that she wasn’t able to make herself.

“When Georgia came home yesterday, she was a mess. Her Dad called her whilst she was driving home, her Mom died.”

Oh.

“You see, as much I want to end things with her, I can’t hurt her anymore right now. I need to stay with her until the funeral is over at least, possibly a bit longer. I don’t want to stay with her though but I have to right now, please don’t think that this is an excuse. I can show you the messages from her that she’s sent me today if you don’t believe me.”

Did Y/N really want to be the person who asked for proof of something like that? No. Even though a tiny part inside her head was saying that it _was_ an excuse, she didn’t think it was. And as much as she wanted to be truly selfish here, she understood Spencer’s reasoning. Georgia was going to need him.

But for how long? Because she needed him too.

“You’re still…. You’re still going to end it. You still want _us_?” she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

Spencer nodded and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, embracing her and she buried her head into his shirt.

“I still want us. More than you’ll ever know. I just…. I can’t give you a time frame here. I want to say a few weeks, but it could be a month or so. I know it’s a lot to ask but… can you give me that time? Will you wait? I’ll understand if you can’t, it’ll kill me inside but I understand.”

“Spencer, I’ll wait for you. I love you.”

“I love you too. So very much.”

So time passed by, Spencer and Y/N continued their affair behind Georgia’s back, leaving both of them feeling terrible after each brief encounter.

Because Georgia had taken some time off from her job to deal with her grief, that meant that Spencer and Y/N didn’t get much time with each other. A few snatched moments when they were in a motel when out on a case was really all they had, something neither of them liked doing because they were in such close proximity to the team. A phone call here and there at the weekend, text messages which Y/N knew Spencer would delete straight away.

She hated this but she didn’t realise that he hated it even more. She didn’t know the pain he was going through trying to be there for someone he no longer loved, trying to soothe them and to assure them that everything would be okay when he knew that he was going to make everything not okay as soon as he felt able to do it.

Which was another sore point between the two lovers.

Y/N wanted a date, a time limit on how long she’d have to wait. When the first month turn into two months and then stretched to the third, she because increasingly frustrated with Spencer and it showed when they were together. Overall they’d been seeing each other now for six months, and she didn’t know how much longer she could keep this a secret.

Every time her phone sang out Spencer’s ring tone, she answered eagerly, wanting it to be him telling her he’d done it. But it never was.

And whenever she pressed the subject, he’d tell that he loved her but that the time wasn’t right yet; that Georgia was still a mess.

And so she continued to wait, hating herself, hating him, and hating Georgia because she had the one thing that she wanted. Spencer.

Y/N knew the woman wasn’t having an easy time with life currently. She constantly stalked her Facebook and Twitter, and Georgia was regularly leaving messages on her Mom’s Facebook wall telling her how much she missed her.

Still, every time she saw her update it to an activity that included Spencer, she seethed onside.

**“Watching the new Dr Who and eating a home cooked steak with the boy. Can always count on him to cheer me up.”**

Nope. Nope nope NOPE.

Status’s like that made Y/N want to drive around to Spencer’s apartment to show Georgia just exactly what her boy had been up to. But she didn’t. Because she didn’t want to end this for Spencer. He had to do it.

Later on in the evening when Y/N would be lying in bed, Reid would normally text her. She knew that meant Georgia was asleep. He’d apologise, he knew she checked up on them. And then he’d assure that he loved HER, and that they’d be together soon.

Y/N just felt lost now. She was stuck in a limbo. She’d told Spencer that she’d wait, but so far she couldn’t see that he was making any movement towards leaving his partner.  
She understood his predicament, but it didn’t make it any easier on her. The last two times they’d managed to spend time with each other she’d ended up sobbing uncontrollably after he’d left.

He shouldn’t be leaving her, he should be staying the night, holding her tight. They should be waking up with each other, spending everyday together.

But they weren’t.

And he just kept asking her to wait.

 

She couldn’t confide in anyone about this or ask for their advice. Even JJ had stopped asking her if anything was wrong whenever she saw her puffy eyes. Y/N wondered if the team actually suspected anything. No one said anything to them and Y/N thought they did a pretty good job of hiding things when they were at work, but they did work with profilers after all.

They also had to have picked up the fact the Reid hardly mentioned Georgia now unless he was directly asked about her. And whenever he did, Y/N would bury her head in whatever paperwork she had in front of her, trying desperately not to listen.

When the three months stretched into another, Y/N came to a decision. She called him up and made him meet her at a small café they’d discovered together.

“You have three weeks Spencer. Til the end of this month. I can’t wait any longer than that. If you don’t tell her then…. ”

“What, you’ll tell her?” was secretly what Spencer was hoping she’d say. He was too much of a coward to do it himself really. He knew he was dragging this out for far longer than he should. He knew he was hurting Y/N terribly but he just…. Couldn’t. Every time he thought that he was ready to tell Georgia, something would happen. She’d find an old picture of her and her Mom or she’d be reminded of an old memory and she’d start to cry again. And Spencer couldn’t bring himself to add to those tears.

“No. I’m not telling her for you. You have to do that yourself. But if you don’t tell her, I’m gone. I’ve been speaking with Hotch, letting him know that I’m looking into transferring out. He’ll support my application to move. At the end of this month, we all have our two weeks mandatory leave. I’ve rented a cabin by a lake to spend some time either by myself to get over you, or to spend it _with_ you. I’ll be leaving at nine am on the Friday morning because it will take me a day and half to drive there. If you’re not waiting at my apartment by nine am, we’re done. And when I return, I’m handing in my transfer papers.”

With that, Y/N stood up and walked away, leaving Spencer sitting shell shocked at the table.


	3. Chapter 3

Y/N waited by her car. It was five minutes to nine and she could feel her chest growing tighter and tighter.

He wasn’t coming, was he?

She checked her phone to see if she’d missed any calls or messages from Spencer. Nothing. Nothing at all. The last communication she’d had with him had been yesterday where he’d text her and told her he loved her and that he’d see her soon. Receiving that message had made her heart swell, thinking that maybe she was going to come out on top here. Which made it sound like it was a competition between her and Georgia. Which in a way it was, just a competition that Georgia wasn’t aware she was taking part in. Although over the course of the last few days, Y/N had learnt that Georgia did suspect something.

She checked the time again. Two minutes passed nine. Her car was packed and ready to go to make her day and a half trip to her lake side cabin that she’d call home for the next two weeks. The cabin that she’d hoped would be the beginning of something new for her and Spencer.

Instead, it looked like it was going to be the end.

She gave it another eight minutes, checking her cell constantly before sighing and climbing into the car.

He wasn’t coming.

He didn’t love her. Not the way he proclaimed to, and not enough to hurt someone else.

So instead he’d hurt her, which on one hand she could argue that she’d bought this all on herself anyway, getting involved with a man who already belonged to someone else.

But the only reason she’d got this involved was because she’d thought Spencer had felt the same way. And perhaps he had at once point. Perhaps he still did.

Perhaps he was truly, madly, and deeply in love with Y/N, but was too much of a coward to own up and end it with Georgia. And if that was the case, then Y/N didn’t want a coward. She wanted someone who would fight for her, who would walk through fire for her.

And that obviously wasn’t Spencer.

As Y/N pulled away from the curb with one final backwards glance, she thought back to a few days ago.

She’d been to the grocery store after work, deciding to walk. It was a pleasant evening and she only needed a few things. She could cut back through the park, maybe feed the ducks. Things between her and Spencer had been strained since she’d given the ultimatum. He still wanted to meet up when they could and she wanted that too. But… She didn’t want to have sex with him, not until he’d ended it with Georgia. Which had caused a minor argument between the two of them. They’d made up later on via text message but Y/N had been sightly hurt. The few precious moments they’d gotten together and he’d seemingly only been interested in the one thing.

As she walked through the park Y/N could see the figure of a woman sitting hunched over on one of the benches, her shoulders gently rocking. When she drew closer, she was surprised to see that it was Georgia.

Shit.

Could she turn and walk away, do the classic 'oh drat, I forgot something’ actions for anyone else walking around so that it didn’t look too strange.

“Y/N?”

Nope. She couldn’t walk away now.

Georgia was squinting at her, her eyes puffy and red. She looked so sad and broken that Y/N wondered if Spencer had actually called it off with her and she just hadn’t felt her phone going off.

“Hi Georgia… Is erm, everything okay?”

Stupid question, the woman was obviously in bits. She started sobbing again and Y/N looked around in a panic. Was she seriously going to have to comfort the girlfriend of the man she’d been sleeping with?

Apparently so.

She slid onto the bench gingerly and waited for Georgia to calm down, her sobs eventually subsiding.

“Sorry” she hiccuped.

“It’s okay. Is it your mom?”

“It’s everything. I feel so sad still because of my mom dying, we were so close and I just miss her so much. I really need her right now, to tell me what to do about Spen…. Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be rambling about this too you.”

“Georgia, it’s fine. If you need to talk, you can talk to me. I understand… ” Y/N didn’t particularly want to talk to this woman but she’d heard the start of Spencer’s name and now she desperately wanted to know. She felt like the worse person in the world as she stuck her arm out and placed it around the other woman’s shoulders to comfort her.

“It’s just…. I think he’s cheating on me. He’s been so distant recently and he sneaks out of the room when he thinks I’m asleep and sometimes I hear him talking. I don’t blame him, I’ve been a mess these last few months, but I just don’t want to lose him. He’s my rock, and I love him so much. But it’s just… this feeling I get, that his hearts not really in it.”

Y/N could confirm this woman’s suspicions ridiculously easily with the show of a few text messages.

But she didn’t.

“Have you out rightly asked him?”

Georgia shook her head, another tear running down her cheeks. “Should I?”

“Yes. If you suspect he’s doing the dirty on you, you should call him out. Ask him.”

Maybe then he’d come clean because Georgia was doing half of the work for him?

“But then what do I? Right now, I don’t know. I love him and he tells me he loves me. If he is, then I’d have to leave him. And I’m not sure if I can be without him.”

'Well neither am I’ was what Y/N wanted to shout out.

“Do you really want to be with someone who would cheat on you? Someone that could have sleeping with someone else right when you’re going through one of the hardest times of your life? Spencer should be being there for you, not poking around with someone else. You deserve better than that.”

She meant that, she really did. Y/N loved Spencer too, so fucking much. But it didn’t stop her knowing that he was being a dick right now, however good his intentions were originally. She was little miss innocent here either, but she wasn’t the one with a partner. Reid should have come clean about the affair months ago and left Georgia to move on. She deserved better, so did Y/N.

Y/N left Georgia a while later, making her promise to ask Spencer and to voice her suspicions to him. Whether she actually did or not, she’d never know. Spencer hadn’t come knocking at her door, nor had he turned up at 9am to join her on her trip. Y/N and Spencer were over. Just like Y/N had known they would be from the start.

She headed to the freeway, wiping the tears from her eyes as they fell. After ten miles or so, she stopped crying and instead hit the gas. If she put her foot down, she could make it to her destination before midnight. She’d only allowed a day and a half because she’d hoped she’d have a driving partner and that they could maybe stop off and see some off the sights along the way, stopping in a roadsides motel overnight. She turned the radio up, finding a station that was playing hits from the eighties, and she sang along loudly and obnoxiously.

When she pulled over for a rest stop four hours later, she checked her cell. She had four missed calls from JJ which she’d return later.

Nothing from Spencer though, not even an “I’m sorry”.

Well screw him.

When she reached the lake, it was close to ten pm. Y/N was shattered and ready to fall asleep. She checked in and collected her key, following the directions to the cabin she’d been allocated, she was the last cabin in a row of fifteen.

As she approached the wooden building, Y/N could see a car already parked outside, a hire car sticker in the back.

Could it be?

She parked up behind it and noticed a light on inside. She triple checked the number on the door and on the key fob she’d been given. She was definitely in the right place.

Maybe…

Y/N pushed open the door tentatively, looking around and spotting a thin figure standing over by the kitchen area.

A thin figure with blonde hair and two glasses of wine in front of her.

“JJ?”

Her friend rushed over and wrapped her arms around Y/N, squeezing her tightly.

“Spencer told me everything last night. I wanted to come to you then but he still hadn’t made his decision. I only found out he’d stayed with Georgia today when I called him at ten am. He’s one of my best friends Y/N but so are you. And he’s an idiot.”

“You came all this way?” Y/N was shocked, her chest tightening again with emotions.

“I figured you could use a friend right now. I tried to call to make sure it was okay. I had to bring Henry though, he’s in the small bedroom. Will’s on a fishing trip with his buddies until Wednesday anyway but I can stay for as long as you need me. Or we can hop on a plane tomorrow and go home if we’re intruding.”

Y/N burst into tears and felt her friends arms wrap back around her, rubbing her back softly.

“JJ.. I was so… Oh god, I loved him so much.. I knew it was wrong but… ”

“Shhhhhh.. Come on, let’s have a drink and some food. Then you can tell me as much or as little as you want. I’m here for you Y/N, for as long as you need. You’re an amazing person, and Spencer is a fool.”


	4. Chapter 4

In the six years that passed by, Y/N’s life changed drastically.

At the lake cabin she called Aaron and told him to proceed with her transfer papers, requesting he fast track them if possible. She explained to him that she still had two weeks of vacation time on top of the two she was already taking and that she’d be running them together. If she couldn’t be transferred away in those four weeks, she’d regretfully not be returning and would find another job elsewhere, she had some savings to tide her over. Hotch probed, but all she’d tell him was that there were some personal issues at work that would cause her judgement to be strongly impaired and that she wouldn’t be able to focus on the tasks at hand whilst she remained on that team. She didn’t need to say much more, Aaron understood. He called her at the end of the first week, explaining that a post was available at the field office in Florida, she could start in four weeks. She’d take it.

JJ stayed with her for the first week and was a godsend. Her and Henry proved to be a massive distraction during the day and at night, she and Jennifer would drink wine and talk. Occasionally she’d cry, but mostly she’d laughed, extremely thankful that she had a friend like her.

Y/N stayed on at the lake for another few days before driving the distance to Florida where she quickly found an apartment to rent. With the help of JJ, she had her belongings shipped out there without ever having to return home. She still never heard from Reid. Messages came from every other member of the team but not from him. It was only once she’d moved into to her new home and been in her new post for three weeks, that she heard from Spencer, in the form of a letter. Recognising his scrawl, she found a metal trash can, took the letter and the can into the small garden she was lucky enough to have, and burnt it. She didn’t want to hear his excuses, not now.

Four weeks into her new job and she was dealt a huge blow. She collapsed in the field, had to be rushed into hospital to be checked out. The outcome of the tests?

Y/N was pregnant. Around fourteen weeks the Doctor estimated. And there was only one person who could have been the father.

Y/N hadn’t known what to do. She didn’t believe it at first, making the Doctor do multiple tests. Yes she’d put on a little bit of weight recently but she’d put that down to all the takeout she was eating. After six tests revealed that she was indeed pregnant, she gave in and accepted it, going home to cry.

Abortion wasn’t an option for her, she couldn’t bring herself to do that. And she knew that she couldn’t carry a child for nine months just to hand it over to someone else. So she resolved herself to her fate. She was going to have Spencer’s child. Y/N called the only person she could think of to talk to about this. Jennifer.

“You’re…. Pregnant? Shit…. ”

Which was pretty much how Y/N felt right now, but there was something else in JJ’s voice.

“About fourteen weeks. And it’s Reid’s.”

“Are you planning on telling him?”

“I… I don’t know.”

They had conversations over and over for the next few months until one night, when Y/N was around seven months gone, she decided she was going to tell him. She called JJ to let her know.

“Y/N… I wanted to tell you this in person, and I was hoping to wait until next weekend when I coming down to see you but I think you need to know now. Spencer made an announcement to us all yesterday, him and Georgia are getting married. She’s twelve weeks pregnant.”

Y/N dropped the glass she’d been holding, wincing as it shattered on the floor.

“Y/N…. Are you still there?”

“I’m here… I just… Fuck.”

JJ came to see her as planned and the two friends talked in depth about the choices she had. The one thing she had decided very firmly on were that Spencer was NOT going to know, not now that he was getting wed with another child on the way. JJ had tried to talk her around to telling him as she had been doing all throughout the pregnancy, in the end though, she accepted Y/N’s decision, knowing she’d support her friend no matter what. Keeping this from Spencer was a big ask, but she’d do it.

Another decision the pair had come to early on in the revelations of impending motherhood was that Y/N would scale back her work with the FBI. She’d need to take time off with the baby anyway, but she wouldn’t be able to do field work whilst being a single mother with no family in the area. Instead, they made some phone calls to the local university’s and colleges. Y/N had the relevant qualifications in Criminal Psychology to be able to teach it and after a few meetings and interviews, they found a post for her which would be made available once she was ready to go back to work after having the baby.

Through a family loss, Y/N found herself around fifty thousand dollars better off. Her grandfather passed away, and had been sitting on a sizeable nest egg which was to be split between his five grandchildren. As sad as Y/N had been, the money would go a long way to making a difference and would help her to employ a part time nanny for when she went back to work. It also went towards moving apartments again, to a tiny two bed not far from the university where she’d be working. Once her family had found out about her pregnancy, they all implored her to move back to Virginia, but Y/N was having none of it. She was settled, she told them. She liked Florida. And for the most part, she was telling the truth.

In the September, Y/N pushed out a baby girl into the world. JJ rushed to be with her but missed the birth itself, arriving a few hours after to meet her god daughter, Ella Jennifer Y/L/N.

“She’s beautiful” JJ had cooed as she held the tiny bundle in her arms.

And she was. Neither of them commented on how much she looked like Spencer already. Something that only continued to become more and more apparent the older the child grew.

Fifteen weeks after Ella had been born, Y/N got the phone call from JJ. Georgia had given birth, also to a baby girl. Elizabeth Diana Reid or Ellie as they’d nicknamed her. Y/N had almost laughed at the two names, Ella and Ellie born just under four months apart. And from the photo that JJ had reluctantly sent her, the two girls might as well have been twins. She was saddened, knowing that her daughter had a half sister out there in the world that she was never likely to know. But that was the way things had to be.

Ella grew and so did Y/N as a person. It was strange being a mom at first but it soon became a role she relished. Yes it was hard work, but it was also extremely rewarding. As expected given who her father was, she was very advanced for her age. Y/N’s parents were always amazed every time she bought her to visit, as was JJ.

“She’s amazing” her blonde friend told her as Ella played with Henry.

“Probably no different to Ellie.. ” Y/N had replied, earning a stern look from JJ.

“Hey… I love both of these little girls because of who their dad is. But Ella is extra special to me because of who her mom is, okay?”

“Okay…”

“He asks about you, you know. Every time he knows I’ve seen you, he asks how you are.”

“And what do you tell him?”

“That you’re happy.”

Y/N nodded. “Is he… Happy?”

Jennifer thought carefully before answering. “He’s happy being a dad. He loves it, and he’s great… Shit, I’m sorry.” Y/N put her hand on her friends arm, indicating it was okay and to go on.

“He’s not happy with her though, I don’t think. Not as happy as he could have been with you. And from what I’ve seen of Gee, I don’t think she’s happy either. It’s a shame it’s wound up like this.”

It _was_ a shame, because there was a child involved, two children technically, one growing up without a dad. But Y/N couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of satisfaction that Spencer wasn’t happy.

..

“Are you happy to be back?” JJ asked her, looking around the small house that she and Will had helped unpack.

Ella was five and a half, and six months ago Y/N had been told that her dad was sick. Terminally ill. Her mom begged her to move home and after months of deliberation, Y/N had decided that she would. Virginia was a big place and the district she’d chosen to live in, was far enough away from where Spencer and Georgia lived. In theory, they should never have to cross paths. Her job was a slight problem, as the FBI agents often gave talks and lectures at the various schools around the state, but she’d made her boss aware of a possible conflict and he’d promised to make her aware of any upcoming visits so she could plan accordingly.

“Yes and no. Virginia is home for me, but Florida is home for Ella. And I’m nervous… I shouldn’t be, but I just keep thinking what if… ”

JJ understood her worries and placated her with the same reasoning she had used for the last six months.“You were just as likely to to run into him in Florida than you are here. We had fifteen cases in that state over the past five years, two of them near to where you lived. You know this, you’ll be fine.”

And for the first five months, it _was_ fine. Until one day during the school break, she’d taken Ella to a park near to her parents home. Y/N sat watching her daughter playing with another young girl. Ella made friends so easily, she was such a happy child and Y/N smiled as she looked on.

When it came time to go home, Y/N called for her daughter, wandering over to where she was playing when she didn’t respond. As she got closer, she noted the other girl, how familar she seemed which was impossible.

“Ella… Time to go, baby.”

Both girls looked up at her and it was then that Y/N saw it. The other girl had Spencer’s eyes and mouth, there was no denying it.

“Mommy, can my new friend Ellie come for tea one day?”

“Maybe…. Come on, it’s time to go. Say goodbye to your friend.”

Y/N looked away from the other girl, silently urging her daughter to hurry up and wondering what the hell Spencer’s other daughter was doing in this part of the city. Then she vaguely recalled that Georgia had a sister that lived nearby.

Ella stood, wiping the sand from her skirt and running to her mother, slipping her hand into hers.

Y/N turned, ready to walk away only to be greeted by another woman blocking her path. The woman took a look at Ella and then back up to Y/N, her eyes widening.

“We need to talk” were the first words that Georgia Reid spoke to her.


	5. Chapter 5

“We need to talk”

Y/N stared at the woman standing in front of her. She hadn’t changed much over the years, she just looked…. older. Her hair hadn’t been coloured in a while and had visible roots and she looked tired, but she still looked like Georgia. The woman who Y/N had lost to.

“Ella, sweetie. You and Ellie can play for a while longer, I’m gonna go speak with Ellie’s mom for a bit.”

Her daughter looked up at her curiously. She was smart and she knew there was something wrong, but the look on her mom’s face told her not to question it. She turned around, looking back once more before she bounded back off to the sand pit.

Georgia nodded over to the bench off to the side and Y/N followed her, sitting down next to her and not having a clue what to say.

“Ella…. ” Georgia looked over to the two girls, their heads so close together that their hair almost melded into one.“ How old is she?”

“She’ll be six next month” Y/N replied flatly.

“Six.. Next month. So she’s four months older than Ellie. Huh… ”

There was a few moments of uncomfortable silence before Georgia spoke again.

“He doesn’t know, does he? No… He can’t know. If he did, he wouldn’t have kept this a secret all this time, he wouldn’t abandon one of his children. Would he?”

“Spencer doesn’t know. I found out a few months after I left. The only person who knew was JJ. She’s Ella’s godmother.”

Georgia bit her lip and nodded, remembering all the times Jennifer had looked after Ellie so she and Spence could have a night to themselves.

“So you knew about Ellie?”

“Yes.”

“And you still never considered telling Spencer… Or telling me that you were pregnant with my husbands child.”

“What difference would it be have made. Spencer didn’t want me. Sure he would have supported Ella, and yes part of me does feel bad that I’ve kept her away from her father. But… I didn’t want him to want me just because of her. I nearly told him, when I was seven months gone but then I found out about you being pregnant too. I just…. I dunno. It was the final blow. I lost.”

The wind blew through Y/N’s hair and she wiped away a falling tear quickly.

“Y/N. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

Y/N looked up and over to the woman sat beside her, totally confused.

“What? I’m… I’m the one that slept with your husband and  _you’re_  sorry?”

She nodded, her own eyes filled to the brim with tears.

“The day I saw you in the park, I knew. And I knew it was you. He deleted your messages but I managed to get hold of an itemised phone bill. There’s really no other reason to have messaged someone 996 times in one month. When you urged me to tell him my suspicions, I knew it was because you loved him too. But I couldn’t lose him, not then. So I made him feel guilty, told him that I needed him more than ever and that I couldn’t lose him. Then I told him I was pregnant, only a few weeks. I wasn’t but I figured I’d fake a miscarriage and then we could actually try for a baby, I knew how much he wanted kids. So I stopped taking my pill and fed him the stories, he bought them and stayed. He didn’t tell anyone about the first ‘pregnancy’. I told him I was only a few weeks gone when I lost the baby. Then all of a sudden I was pregnant for real. It was selfish and stupid, I mean I love Ellie to the moon and back, but getting pregnant so that my boyfriend wouldn’t leave me? Biggest mistake I ever made. He was going to leave me you know, for you. The night before you left. He told me we needed to talk and that’s when I knew he was going to leave. So I told him he was going to be a dad. I’m the reason your little girl has grown up without her father, because I lied.”

Y/N clenched her jaw as she took in the information she’d been given. Spencer had been going to choose her.

But Georgia had lied forcing him to stay.

Wait… No. Forcing him?

No one had forced him to do anything. Spencer could have still done right by them both. Although Georgia hadn’t at that point actually been pregnant, if Spencer had been ready to leave her, then he still could have done. No self respecting woman would stop a father that wanted to see their child from actually seeing their child, and Spencer had enough standing that even if she had done that, he could have fought for custody and access, and won. And if he HAD have left her, then he would have found out she’d been lying anyway.

No, he’d stayed because he’d wanted too, because it was easier. And he still hadn’t tried to give Y/N an explanation until weeks later. That was how she saw it.

Y/N looked back to Georgia who now looked terrified. She spoke carefully and quietly, trying hard to keep her voice steady.

“No. The reason Ella grew up without a father is because three grown adults lied to each other. Spencer and I lied to you, for months on end. And you lied to him. It was a horrific lie but…. I get it. You were broken and you would have done anything to keep him. So you did. And now you have him and your happy little family, and I have Ella. She’s enough for me, she’s my world.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily say we’re happy…. ” Georgia trailed off when she saw the look Y/N shot her. A very much of a ‘you made your bed, lie in it’ look.

“I’m sorry….. I sound ungrateful. I got what I wanted…..”

“Yes, you did. And I didn’t…” Y/N interrupted her.

“I know… I know. But he never got over you. Even after Ellie was born and the wedding, things weren’t the same between us. He’d act happy and he’s a great dad. But… He’s not happy with me. He wanted you, and I stopped him from having you. You know what Reid’s like, he thought he was doing the right thing sticking by me.”

“Why are you even telling me this?”

“I… I don’t know. I just…. I’m sorry, okay. That things worked out the way they did.”

Y/N didn’t respond, simply pressing her lips together and looking over to where the two young girls who could have been almost mirror images of each other were playing together.

The two sisters, who didn’t know they were sisters, yet the way they were giggling with and looking at each other made Y/N realise that there was already a bond there.

Georgia followed her gaze. “So.. What happens now? Are you going to tell Spencer?”

“No. Nothing changes here.”

“Y/N…..I’m not exactly the poster girl for honesty here given what I’ve confessed to you. But… You should tell him. He has another child. Ellie has a sister. Ella has father, a great one too. And a sister, don’t you think they deserve to know each other?”

Georgia’s words echoed through her brain and as she watched the girls playing again, she realised that the other woman was right.

“I’m not telling Spencer. Not yet. But…. Maybe the girls could play together again.”

Georgia gave a hint of a smile and rummaged in her purse for her cell.

“Give me your number, Ellie and I normally come here every week after we visit my sister. Maybe we could make it a regular thing and take the girls for dinner afterwards. So they can get to know each other.”

Y/N reeled off her digits and then called over to her daughter, telling Georgia that they needed to get going. The other woman nodded and told her she’d be in touch.

All the way back to the car Y/N had to listen to Ella jabbering on about her new friend. Ellie this and Ellie that. She gritted her teeth and kept her calm all the way home, only losing it once her daughter was tucked up in bed asleep.

Then she walked into her kitchen, grabbed a bottle of vodka and swigging it straight from the bottle. She slid down the kitchen cabinets onto the floor, and burst into sobs.

Tears for the life she should have had with Spencer, tears for the life her daughter should have had. 


	6. Chapter 6

For two weeks Y/N pushed all thoughts of Georgia and Ellie to the back of her mind.

At least, she tried too. But she wasn’t doing very well at it. Georgia text her four times asking if they could meet up again, and Ella constantly asked if they could go back to the park near her parents so she could play with her new friend. Eventually, Y/N gave in and messaged Spencer’s wife and told her she’d be at the park Friday afternoon at 4pm. And then she consulted JJ.

“Just… Be careful, okay. I don’t want to see you or Ella getting hurt again here. Georgia is a good person, but she is still married to Spencer, regardless of how unhappy they are together.”

“I know, I know. You should have seen then together though JJ. They’re so alike, if we dressed them the same, you’d barely be able to tell the difference.”

She hadn’t told JJ the entire conversation she’d had with Georgia. She didn’t think she could bring herself to talk about how Georgia had admitted to faking a pregnancy and miscarriage because she knew Spencer was going to leave her. And anyway, what difference would JJ knowing now make?

Friday afternoon at 4pm came and Y/N and Ella made their way to the park, seeing Ellie and her mom already there. The two girls ran towards each other, squealing in that way that little girls did. Y/N slowly made her way to the bench where Georgia was sat and gingerly lowered herself down besides her.

In the few weeks since she’d seen her, Georgia had changed. Her hair had been dyed a more vibrant shade of red and she was wearing more make up this time. When Y/N realised she’d been staring far longer than was acceptable, she complimented her quickly.

“You look nice, the hair… It suits you.”

“Thanks…I figured if my old love rival was back in town then I’d need to start making an effort with my appearance. Don’t want the husband straying again…. ”

Y/N’s jaw dropped, not having the first clue how to respond.

“Y/N…it was a joke. Seriously, I’m kidding…. My roots have needed doing for ages so I just decided to go the whole hog. And as for Spencer straying, meh.”

She said the last part so nonchalantly that Y/N wondered whether she was baiting her, but then the woman started making idle chit chat and Y/N pushed the thought to the back of her mind. The two women talked as they watched their daughters playing, taking them to a small diner afterwards where all four slurped on milkshakes and complained of brain freeze. When it was time to leave, Georgia asked Y/N quietly “same time next week?” and she nodded.

And so began the start of an awkward friendship between Spencer’s wife and mother of the child he knew about, and the woman who’d birthed his first born that he knew nothing of. It was strange, extremely so at first but as the women met regularly to watch the two half sisters playing, they realised that they had more in common than they thought. Ultimately, there’d been a reason that Spencer had been attracted to both, they all shared the same interests. They met most weeks, only missing a meeting if Spencer wasn’t out on a case and had made plans with his wife and daughter. Those nights, Y/N tried not to be annoyed or irritated, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t jealous. Although Georgia tried not to talk about Reid, after Y/N specifically asked her not to when she commented one too many times that Spencer should know about Ella, Ellie did. And sometimes, it hurt her heart to see Ella listening in awe at stories of her friends daddy, her daddy, and the things they got up together.

After four months of Y/N and Georgia secretly meeting up, Y/N found Ella at bedtime looking solemnly through a photo album that they’d put together.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she climbed onto the bed next to her daughter, seeing her little face crease up as she tried to hide her emotions.

“Mommy, where is my dad? Ellie has one, and even the boys and girls at school who don’t live with their daddies still talk about them. I do have one, right?”

For six years Y/N had always miraculously managed to distract her child from the fact that her father was absent. But now, she no longer knew how to lie to her. She no longer knew if she wanted to lie to her.

“El… It’s complicated.”

“How is it? Babies are made when a mommy and daddy love each other right?”

What the hell had she been reading or watching?

“Yes… Kind of.”

“So that means I have to have a daddy somewhere. Is he…. Is he in heaven?”

Y/N had explained the concept of heaven to her when she’d found out how ill her father was, although he was doing a damn good job of holding on to the land of the living now that he had his granddaughter growing up nearby. It would be so easy for Y/N to lie and say that Reid was in heaven, but she realised that if Ella and Ellie were to continue to be allowed to be friends, then eventually there’d become a time where Georgia and Y/N couldn’t control their meetings and Ella would run into Spencer. Once Spencer saw her, he’d know.

“He’s not in heaven… Listen, mommy needs to make some phone calls, but… We’ll see about finding your father, okay. Just, please don’t keep asking me about him.”

“Okay.”

Y/N took the photo album off of Ella’s lap and kissed her head, before leaving the room and dimming the light.

When she reached her living room, she grabbed her phone and shot of a text to the contact labelled ‘Gee’ in her phone.

“You know how you keep saying I should tell Reid. I think you’re right.”

…

Georgia and Y/N decided that they’d meet on mutual ground. Ellie had been left with Georgia’s sister and JJ had taken Ella. If Spencer was going to meet her, the woman wanted it to be without Ellie there at first. They figured it would confuse the two girls but they didn’t want to go through the hassle of explaining everything to two six years olds, if on the off chance Spencer wanted nothing to do with her.

They met at a cafe around the corner from JJ and Will’s home, Y/N already in the booth when Georgia walked in with Reid in tow. He had no clue who he was meeting or why and when he saw his wife slide into the booth opposite Y/N, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

“Hi” she said quietly, her heart hammering ten to the dozen.

Spencer looked between Georgia and Y/N and then back again, obviously confused.

“Spencer, please sit down” Georgia urged him and he carefully slid into the booth next to her. The waitress came over and took their drink orders, Georgia ordering for all three of them as both Reid and Y/N suddenly seemed at a loss for words.

“Well, this is fun and not half as awkward as I thought it would be” Georgia joked dryly when the drinks arrived and they’d still not spoken. Y/N had learnt over the time they’d spent together that the girl could be incredibly blunt sometimes, a trait she didn’t appear to have had all those years ago.

“Gee.. I’m…I’m confused” Spencer finally spoke, his eyes not leaving the face of the woman he’d not seen in over six years.

“That’s to be expected, honey. You’re sitting in a booth with your wife AND the woman you cheated on her with, and they’re not ripping each others hair out. Very confusing, I agree.”

Y/N stifled her chuckle at the shocked look upon Reid’s face.

“W-what… You know? W-what?”

 _‘Tread carefully, Gee’_  Y/N thought to herself. They’d both agreed the Spencer didn’t need to know about her fake pregnancy, but the woman needed to be careful about what she said now.

“Yes. I know, I suspected then, especially when Y/N left suddenly and no one seemed to know why. But I didn’t say anything. And then Ellie came along and we were happy again, so I didn’t want to say anything to you. Why rock the boat?”

Spencer grimaced slightly before taking a sip of his coffee. “So why are we rocking said boat now?”

Georgia looked at Y/N quickly, and she nodded. She knew she’d struggle to tell him so Gee had offered to do most of the talking. She kinda felt she owed Y/N something for all of her own untruths.

“Y/N and I started meeting up around four months ago when we came across each other in a park. She’s moved back into town.”

“You two have been… what? You’re friends?” Reid was now gobsmacked.

“I’d say so, wouldn’t you, Y/N. We’re friends now right?”

“Yes. Me and Georgia are friends. Mainly because…. Oh god. Mainly because our daughters are friends.. They’re a similar age, you see. Only Ella’s a few months older than Ellie.”

Confusion crossed Spencer’s face again and Y/N quickly rummaged in her bag and pulled out a photograph.

“Ella’s four months older than Ellie, to be more precise. I only found out I was pregnant when I left.”

Reid stared at her, his genius brain struggling to process the information he was being given.

“This is a….a photo of her.”

Y/N placed the photo face up on the table watching Spencer’s face as he took in the image of the girl that looked so much like the child he tucked into bed each night he was home.

“I am so fucking sorry Spencer.”


	7. Chapter 7

Spencer stared at the photo in front of him, his brain putting the pieces together almost instantly. The girl was almost the spitting image of Ellie. Glancing up at Y/N, he started to sputter.

“You…. She…. I have….” another thought crossing his mind, he turned to his wife, his eyes narrowed. “You knew?”

“Only recently, Spencer. I swear.”

“You still knew. And you didn’t tell me” he spun his head back to Y/N. “And you…..wait….Ella?”

Without uttering another word he slid out of the booth and stormed quickly out of the café.

“Shit” Y/N muttered, looking at Georgia who was still staring after him.

“I’ll go after him. He can’t have go far, I’ve still got the car keys.”

Gee started to slide out of the booth but Y/N quickly put her arm out, placing her hand on Georgia’s forearm.

“Don’t. I need to go. I’ve got so much explaining to do and I think I need to do it by myself. I won’t…. I won’t say anything about the other things you’ve told me, okay?”

Georgia thought for a minute and then nodded. “Okay. Text me or call me later. I’ll go pick Ellie up.”

Y/N quickly sprinted out off the café, scanning up and down the street and spotting Reid in the distance heading in the direction that Will and JJ lived in. She ran as fast as she could, puffing and panting by the time she caught up with him. She wasn’t the fit Agent she used to be and she struggled to get her breath and talk to him at the same time.

“Spencer…… Spencer….. Please!”

He ignored her and kept walking, turning into JJ’s street. Y/N then realised why he was going there. Jennifer had mentioned that she’d had dinner last night with Spencer. Henry and Ella were obviously friends and Henry often talked about his friends. If Henry had mentioned to his godfather Spencer that Ella was coming over to play, then that meant that Reid had a pretty good idea of where his daughter was right now.

Y/N grabbed his arm forcefully and tried to reason with him again. “Spencer… Please. We need to talk.”

He stopped in the street and turned to her, glaring.

“Don’t you think we needed to talk six years ago? You kept this from me for six years. I have another child out there that you kept from me!”

“I…. I’m sorry! I didn’t know what to do!”

“You didn’t know what to do? You didn’t how to pick up a phone and call me, and tell me that I was going to be a father?”

“I didn’t…. I didn’t….” tears were building in her eyes and she was aware of people across the street staring at the commotion but she no longer cared. “You didn’t want me. And I didn’t want you to want me just because of her.”

His eyes narrowed again and she continued.“You didn’t call me, you didn’t even have the decency to tell me that we were over. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until after I left and I struggled for months whether to tell you or not. Yes, I was being selfish. I didn’t want a baby to make the difference between us. And when I finally decided that you  _should_  know, I found out that she was pregnant too. So you were going to be a dad anyway.”

“You should have told me…. ”

“Reid, please. Can we just go somewhere and talk this out and then we can go to JJ’s and you can see her, if that’s what you want?”

“Does JJ know she’s mine?”

Y/N winced but nodded, seeing his face fall again.

“I made her promise not to tell. She’s been the only friend I’ve had throughout all of this Spencer. Don’t hate JJ for this, hate me. I deserve it.”

His expression softened slightly as Y/N’s voice cracked and a tear broke free.

“I don’t hate you, Y/N. That’s one thing I could never do. Look, there’s that little green opposite JJ’s. We’ll sit there for a while. There’s things I need to know and then I want to meet her.”

“Okay.”

Over the next hour, Spencer asked questions and Y/N answered them. Where had she been living, what had she been doing for the past six years? Why was she back? What was Ella like, did she know who her dad was, did she know Ellie was her half sister? Y/N answered them all honestly, she owed him that much.

“You and my wife, you’re friends now?”

“Of a sort. She’s the one who convinced me that the girls should see each other, and she wanted me to tell you too.”

“How much…. How much does she know about what happened between us? How did she take it?”

Y/N swallowed, choosing her words carefully. “Spencer, she knew. She told me she suspected it when it was happening, especially after I left suddenly. Something about itemised phone bills and my number showing up constantly. She wasn’t surprised when she saw me with Ella.”

“Has she… has she told you much about our marriage?”

What, that neither of them were happy and that it was blindingly obvious?

“Some. But not a lot. We meet so our daughters can play, you should see the two of them together. Georgia and I, we talk, we don’t have a lot else to do. I get the impression she doesn’t have a lot of female friends and that she’d like to talk more than I let her. About you, I mean. I don’t want to know the ins and outs of your marriage with her. It still hurts that you chose her.”

“I…. I didn’t choose her, Y/N… I… ”

“Reid, don’t. Not now. Please. I know about the first miscarriage and that she told you the night before I left. But none of that makes a difference to the way things are now. It can’t.”

They looked at each other for a moment, Spencer’s hazel eyes searching hers and in that instant Y/N knew she was royally screwed. All this time away from him, convincing herself that he was nothing but a sperm donor, and in less than two hours almost all of the feelings that had been there before had been reignited.

No.

That couldn’t happen. She needed to push it aside. There was more than just three adults involved now, there were two little girls. One who very much wanted to know who her father was.

“Spence… Shall we go? You can meet her, but I want to talk to her first okay. And she doesn’t know she and Ellie are sisters. That’s going to be one long and interesting conversation.”

Spencer cracked a brief smile, a smile that Y/N had missed so much.

No.

Stop it.

“Yes. Let’s go.”

…

There was a brief moment of awkwardness between JJ and Reid when they knocked at her door, but it seemed like Spencer had decided to forgive his friend for her deception. Hopefully in time, he’d forgive Y/N for hers.

Henry and Ella were playing in the living room and Y/N entered the room by herself at first, telling Henry that his mom needed him in the kitchen. She sat down on the couch and patted her lap. Ella clambered up and Y/N wrapped her arms around her daughters waist, resting her chin on her small shoulder and murmuring quietly into her ear as she fiddled with the lego blocks she still held in her hands.

“Ella, baby. You remember how you wanted to know who your daddy was?”

The little girl stiffened slightly but continued playing with the blocks, giving a slight nod of her head.

“He’s here. Outside the door. Do you want me to tell him to come in to say hi?”

“My daddy’s here?” her daughters voice was soft and unsure.

Spencer was stood outside in the hallway, listening through the gap in the door. His heart leapt at the sound of that small voice, butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“Yes baby. Your daddy is here. He and mommy are old friends. Do you want to say hi?”

“Yes”

Taking a deep breath, Y/N called for Spencer watching as he walked through the door slowly.

His breath hitched in his chest at the sight in front of him, a small girl who looked so much like Ellie sitting in Y/N’s lap. Her eyes widened and she smiled shyly at him. Spencer moved so he was in front of the two girls and he crouched down so he wasn’t towering over them.

“Ella, this is Spencer. He’s your daddy.”

Y/N waited for either of the them to speak but they didn’t, just looking at each other. She kept a firm grip on her child’s waist to begin with, almost as if she was scared that Reid would run off with her.

Finally, Ella made the first move reaching out her small pudgy hand and pressing it to Spencer’s face. He leant into her touch, his own much larger hand coming up and resting over hers.

“Hi” Ella whispered.

“Hello” Spencer replied, his voice just as quiet as hers. Y/N could see how watery his eyes had gone, heard the crack in his voice.

Ella fidgeted, wanting to get down and Y/N released her grasp. Her daughter slid to the floor so she was standing in front of Reid, assessing the man who was crouched before her. She suddenly lunged forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, Spencer gasping before returning the embrace tightly, a tear running down his cheek.

Y/N watched the scene in front of her, struggling to hold her own emotions together as she pushed the big question to the back of her mind.

What happens now?


	8. Chapter 8

Over the next few months life for Y/N and Ella changed again. Georgia and Ellie had already become part of their lives and now Spencer was making a huge effort to insert himself in as well.

After a particularly awkward conversation with the two girls, Y/N, Georgia and Spencer explained that they were sisters, just with different moms. They accepted it after a few questions and the knowledge that they were related only strengthened their bond. The adults all knew that once they got older and figured out the age difference between them, they’d know that something was off but they’d deal with that when it happened.

Georgia and Y/N continued their weekly meetings at the park with Spencer joining them when he was home from a case. Ella also frequently went around to their house to play, meaning that Spencer could see her and get to know her. After the first month of them meeting each other, Spencer started to make a habit of turning up at Y/N’s home on random evenings. Georgia knew where he was, he told her. He just wanted to spend some time with Ella without his wife and other daughter there. It wasn’t that he was favouring Ella over Ellie, it was just that he’d had six full years with Ellie and only a few weeks with Ella.

Y/N didn’t mind and after his first few visits where he was still slightly frosty with her, they gradually started to relax around each other, and become friends again. It wasn’t the same friendship they’d had before, it couldn’t be, so much had changed. But it was pleasant, and Y/N found herself looking forward to Spencer’s visits almost as much as Ella did.

Seeing Ella with her father was strange for Y/N. She’d had her to herself for so long. But it was also heart-warming and when the two of them were together, Y/N could see how much like her father Ella truly was. Spencer was smitten with her and she adored him, always being very quiet whenever he left because she was sad. Y/N was sad too but worked hard not to show it to anyone. The more time Spencer spent with them, the more she was reminded of what could have been had Georgia not lied the way she had. It didn’t help that she could feel Spencer looking at her sometimes, his gaze lingering far longer than was appropriate. He was wondering too, what would have or could have happened, how much happier he could have been.

…

In the summer, Y/N’s father passed away, Y/N receiving the phone call from her mother in the early hours of the morning. She bundled Ella into the car, calling Georgia and asking if she could take her after apologising for the early hour. Georgia agreed immediately, she remembered how it felt to lose a parent and told Y/N to drop her around and that they’d keep her for as long as necessary.

That ended up being for two weeks, with Y/N visiting and calling her daughter daily. Ella knew what happened and was saddened but being with her sister and father was distracting her from her emotions which was what Y/N needed. Y/N stayed with her mom for the two weeks, until the funeral was over and her mom finally told her to go home. Both woman were mentally and physically exhausted and Y/N hadn’t been sleeping because she wasn’t in her own bed.

So she made her way back to her little house, intending on leaving Ella with Spencer and Gee for another night. After cleaning out her kitchen and taking a hot bath with a glass of wine, Y/N felt desperately lonely.

She called Georgia again.

“Hey, I um… know it’s past her bedtime and she’s probably asleep, but is there any chance you could bring Ella home tonight? The house just feels so… empty without her here and… ” her voice started to give as Gee interrupted her.

“I understand. Been there remember. I’ve had a drink but Spencer hasn’t so I’ll get him to bring her home. If there’s anything else you need… Anything at all, just let me know.”

Y/N thanked her and pottered about in her living room, sipping on another glass of wine until she heard a quiet knock on her door fifty minutes later. When she opened it, Spencer was stood there holding out some bags containing Ella’s things. He then disappeared back to his car and returned, carrying the sleeping child in his arms.

“I’ll put her upstairs… ” he whispered.

“Spence, will you put her in my bed please?”

He nodded and carefully carried Ella up to bed, returning a few minutes later and finding Y/N in the kitchen, refilling her drink again.

“You want one?” she asked when she saw him watching her. He shook his head and moved so that he was standing closer to her.

“Are you okay?” Reid asked her softly, his hazel eyes full of concern.

Y/N started to nod and then suddenly felt the emotion of the last few weeks break through and a loud sob shook through her chest. Almost immediately Spencer wrapped his arms around her and she buried her head into his chest, crying as he embraced her.

She wasn’t sure how long she cried for, but he kept his arms around her the whole time, gently rubbing her back and murmuring to her, words she could barely hear.

When she felt calmer she tried to pull back, embarrassed somewhat.

“I’m sorry.. ” she sniffed, Spencer’s embrace still tight around her shoulders.

“Don’t be. You’ve been through a lot recently. What matters is that you’re okay.”

“I’m…. feeling better after crying. I’m just sorry it was all over your shirt.”

He chuckled at her, relaxing his arms slightly.

“Thank you, by the way. For looking after Ella. She didn’t need to be around my mom in the state she was in, it would have scared and upset her.”

“That’s alright. I’ll do anything I can to help. And you know I enjoy spending time with her, I enjoy spending time with the both of you.”

Y/N should have realised then what dangerous ground she was treading but she didn’t. Instead, she stood on her tip toes and kissed Spencer’s cheek. A kiss that was meant to be a thank you for his help over the last few weeks.

After only brushing his cheek lightly, her lips burned, and as she settled back onto the flat of her feet, Y/N felt the air crackle with electricity as Spencer’s gaze rested on her mouth. His fingers dug into her flesh where they lay on her waist and she knew what was going to happen before it did.

And she didn’t stop it, she didn’t  _want_  to stop it.

The next twenty minutes were filled with frenzied kisses, their mouths hot on each others. They didn’t speak, the only noises were the ones they couldn’t stop themselves making as their bodies quickly remembered each other, welcoming the other like an old friend. The sex itself was quick but it was enough to satisfy both of their needs, they both knew what the other liked and how to get the reactions they wanted. Nothing had changed there.

It was only afterwards when they lay on Y/N’s kitchen floor, that the enormity of what had happened struck them both.

“Shit” Y/N felt the tears building again as she started to quickly pull her clothes back on.

“That shouldn’t have… We shouldn’t have…Oh fuck. I can’t do this again. I can’t…. ”

“Hey hey hey” Spencer reached out for her arm but she shook him off.

“Y/N… Stop.. Please, listen to me.”

She tugged her pajama top back on and turned to look at him. He was sitting upright now and had pulled his pants back up.

“There’s nothing to say, Spencer. Apart from we’re both shitty, terrible people.”

“We are, I agree. But there is something to say. For me at least. I never stopped loving you. It should have been you from the start. I stayed with Georgia out of a dumb sense of duty, and she knows that. She hadn’t been drinking tonight, she could have bought Ella home but she asked me to. She knows how I feel about you, how I still feel about you.”

“Then why doesn’t she say something?”

“Because she doesn’t want to be the one to leave. Not after forcing me to stay before, with the one thing she knew would get me to stay. So I’ll leave. If you’ll have me. Even you won’t, I’m still going to end things with her. I don’t want to walk out on my marriage but neither of us are happy and that’s not a healthy environment to raise Ellie in. It’s not fair for us to go on the way we are, and I can’t hide my feelings for you any longer. I don’t want to. I love you, more than anything. And I want us to be together, to be a family, like we should have been.”

She could tell he wasn’t lying, she could tell he meant every word he was saying. And she wanted to say those three words back to him so badly. But she couldn’t. Not yet.

“I’m sorry. I can’t… Do what you need to do first, then we’ll talk about being a family.”

He nodded sadly, obviously expecting his proclamation of love to be returned but accepting that she couldn’t say it, not just now.

He pulled himself up from the floor and redressed himself.

“I’ll be back, tomorrow. Things will be the way they should have been all along.”


	9. Chapter 9

For someone who had committed such a sin yet again, Y/N slept surprisingly well. She woke up at 8am to her phone singing, the soft weight of her daughter curled up against her. She grabbed her phone, answering it to silence it, realising too late that it was Georgia calling her.

“Hello… ” she croaked out, her voice heavy with sleep.

“Just so you know, I’m not mad. And as weird as it will be, I enjoy our friendship and would prefer it if we could remain friends. I’m taking Ellie to see my mom this morning whilst he packs some things up, and then she has a birthday party this afternoon. It’s at one of those fun factory places, perhaps all three of us could meet there to discuss how this is going to work, 3pm say?”

So he’d actually done it?

Spencer had actually done it.

Fucking hell.

She was awake now and rolled away from Ella, sitting upright.

“Y/N… Are you there still? I mean it, I’m not mad… ”

She realised that she hadn’t spoken and coughed quickly, “I’m here. Gee…. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. He was meant to be with you, I’ve known that for years. Ellie and I will be fine. We’re going to be one of those weird families, where the ex wife and the new wife are still good friends and they all go on holiday with each other, I’ve decided. No arguing.”

Y/N laughed nervously, still unsure at how to process everything.

“So, 3pm? Yes?”

“Yes, okay. I’ll see if JJ will watch Ella for me.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later. And I wouldn’t be surprised if Spencer doesn’t turn up at your door soon.”

She disconnected the call leaving Y/N feeling dumbstruck. It was then she noticed that she had text messages from Spencer, sent hours ago, asking her to call him when she woke up. She called him, him picking up after only two rings.

“I did it” were the first words he said to her.

“I know. Georgia called me.”

“She did? Was she… Oh shit Y/N, I’m sorry. Was she horrid to you? She seemed okay when she left.”

“She was strangely calm and fine. Says that she knows we were meant to be together, and she didn’t sound like she was lying. She wants to meet later though. To discuss arrangements.”

Y/N felt Ella stirring beside her and she smiled at her daughters sleepy face.

“Yeah she mentioned that. I think… I think she’s being genuine. Listen, erm…. Obviously Georgia and Ellie are staying in the house and I’m not. I know you didn’t say much last night so I don’t know how you feel about any of this, not really. But I need to find somewhere to stay, either a hotel for a while until I can get a rental or maybe Derek has some… ”

“Spencer, just come here. I couldn’t say it last night and I’m not going to say it over the phone, but all those feelings I had all those years ago are still there. They haven’t gone away. So when you’re ready, come here.”

“I’m pretty much packed, at least what I can right now anyway. So I’ll see you in forty?”

“We’ll be up, I’ll make breakfast for us all.”

When Spencer turned up forty five minutes later and started unloading suitcases from the car, Ella looked extremely confused but happy.

“Does daddy live with us now?” she asked, looking up at both adults.

“Yes, daddy lives with us now. Is that okay?” Y/N told her, instructing Reid to put his stuff in the small box room until she had time to make room in her closets.

“What about Ellie, and Georgia?”

“They’re staying in their own home. But you’ll still see them, all the time. I promise.”

Y/N sincerely hope that was going to be the case, it would break both girls hearts to suddenly be ripped away from each other.

“So are you and daddy getting married now? Like daddy and Georgia were?”

“Ella… So many questions, baby. It’s complicated. But what matters is that daddy and I love each other and that we both love you. Daddy still love Ellie and he still loves Georgia, but not in the way he did. And Georgia still loves us all. Okay?”

“Okay. Can we have pancakes now?”

“Yes. Go and get the mix out of the cupboards ready for me and I’ll be through in a minute.”

Y/N had seen Spencer stop at the top of the stairs when Ella had started asking questions, obviously wanting to see how she answered them first. He walked down to join her at the bottom and she smiled at him, feeling butterflies in her tummy.

“It’s a lot for her take in. One minute you and Georgia are a thing and the next, you’re here” she commented.

“It is, but like you said, what matters is that we both love each other. I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to get here, to finally be with you.”

“Things happen for a reason, at least that’s what they say. And you’re here now. I love you Spencer.”

“I love you too. So much.”

They hugged, embracing each other tightly until a loud clatter sounded from the kitchen and they rushed in to help Ella before she made a mess of the entire kitchen.

…

The rest of the morning and early afternoon was spent together, giving Y/N a taste of what life was hopefully going to be like from now on. And she loved it.

After breakfast Ella had wanted to watch cartoons for a while, Y/N normally allowed her to watch them on a Saturday morning so the two adults followed her into the living room, sitting somewhat awkwardly together on the couch whilst Ella lay out on the floor.

Ten minutes or so passed by and Y/N could feel a pair of eyes on her so she glanced over at Spencer at the other end of the couch. He held out his arm and cocked his head. Y/N inched closer on the couch and curled up next to him, her head resting on his shoulder. Suddenly a huge weight felt like it had been lifted off her shoulders. This was right, this was okay. This was how it should be, how it should have been. She gave a contended sigh as Reid kissed the top of her head. Ella looked up moments later, a huge grin on her face at her mother and father snuggling together. Seeing them together made her happy.

When it came time to meet with Georgia, Y/N and Spencer dropped Ella off with JJ, who seemed surprised to see them both together. She raised an eyebrow at Y/N who smiled at her old friend.

“It’s a long story, that’s actually not that long really. But… Spencer will be living with me now. And Gee and I are still friends, that’s where we’re going to now, to work out details.”

“When did this happen, why don’t I know?”

“Last night and early this morning. Bottle of wine Friday night? Seeing as I now have a built in babysitter?” She grinned at Spencer who just rolled his eyes at the two women.

“Definitely bottle of wine. Or two. Me and you are long overdue a good gossip. Text me when you’re on your way back okay. It’s nice out so we’ll probably take the kids to the park.”

Goodbyes were exchanged and then they made their way to The Fun Factory where Ellie’s friends party was taking place, finding Georgia waiting at a table far away from the play area.

“Never quite thought I’d feel happy seeing my husband and my friend hand in hand with each other, but strangely I do. I must be screwed in the head.”

Spencer and Y/N sat down opposite her and the next hour or so was spent hashing out details. In the end it was decided that for now, Ellie would spend every other weekend at Y/N’s house so she could see her father. If he was away on a case then Ellie would decide herself whether she still wanted to go, so that she could see her sister. The last weekend of every month Ella would go to Georgia’s home to stay there. Both women had become attached to the others daughter and they all agreed that they wanted the girls to spend as much time as possible with each other. It would be also mean the Y/N would have some much needed free time once a month, hopefully to have some actual dates with her new partner. It was all very amicable and Y/N couldn’t quite believe how easy this was turning out to be.

“I have an appointment next Friday with a divorce lawyer. Hopefully we can get that sorted as quickly as we can so that you pair are free to do what you wish, just make sure I’m invited to the wedding yeah?” Georgia joked and Y/N felt herself blushing.

When it was time to leave, the adults plus Ellie and a large balloon she’d accumulated from the party, left via the front door rather than directly into the parking lot. Ellie and Georgia had walked here, not living far, so they all walked out together meaning that Spencer could wave goodbye to his daughter.

The three adults were chatting together and making arrangements for Spencer to collect some more of his belongings when Y/N saw Ellie let go off her balloon and immediately chase after it, stepping out onto the main road that ran in front of the restaurant.

“Ellie…. ” Y/N called after her, seeing a car speeding along the road. The girl hadn’t heard her and was still chasing the balloon walking directly into the path of the oncoming car.

Without a thought for herself, Y/N dashed after her quickly shoving Ellie forward and out of the way. She saw the girl skid across the tarmac, skinning her knees just as the car slammed into Y/N’s torso, lifting her off the ground and sending her up and over the hood the car.

It’s true what they say, your life really does flash before yours eyes. Every memory of Spencer, every memory of Ella, seemed to flood Y/N’s brain as she heard a screeching and felt the weightlessness as she flew threw the air, followed by a loud crunching sound as she hit the ground.

Then… Pain. In her head, her neck and chest, a wetness under her hair. Strangely, she couldn’t feel anything from the waist down. She could see her legs bent awkwardly at an angle not normal at all, but she couldn’t feel them.

And then there was the screaming, the crying. Spencer’s face suddenly coming into view, a look of horror upon it.

“Oh my god… Oh my god… Shit.. Fuck… Georgia, the ambulance? We need it now…. Oh my god… Y/N…. Y/N can you hear me?”

She could hear him and tried to choke out a yes. But it was so hard to talk. Her chest felt tight and full of water, like she was drowning somehow.

“Spen….. Spencer… ” her words gurgled, like they weren’t coming from her anymore. Spencer knelt down beside her and grasped her hand gently. She squeezed it as hard as she could.

Georgia suddenly came into view. “Spence the ambulance is on its way. Timmy’s mom has Ellie, she’s taken her inside… Fuck, Spence..There’s so much blood… ”

That was what the wet feeling underneath her head was. Blood. Y/N was glad she couldn’t see it herself, for someone who used to work for the FBI she was surprisingly squeamish.

“Hold on Y/N. I need you to hold on” Spencer urged her and she tried to smile at him. She felt so tired suddenly, like she just wanted to close her eyes to nap. He looked so concerned, his beautiful face clouded with worry for her.

She knew why, she could feel what was happening.

And she wasn’t scared. She was sad, that this new life she had planned for her, Ella and Spencer wasn’t going to come to anything. She was sad that she wasn’t going to get to see her daughter grow up, or see Spencer walking both of his little girls down the aisles at their weddings. She was sad she wasn’t going to get to walk down an aisle herself. And she was devastated that Spencer was going to have to break this news to her family, to Ella and Ellie.

But she wasn’t scared. She knew that much.

She summoned every last ounce of energy she had and spoke.

“I need you to… Your phone, the recording app. Turn it on… ”

Oh god how just those few words burned. Reid looked at her gone out, starting to shake his head before Georgia quickly placed her phone in front of Y/N’s lips, the app switched on.

“Ella, baby. Mommy loves you very much. I always,  _always_  will. And I’m so sorry sweetie, I really am. I need you to look after your daddy, and your nanny for me. They’re going to need you so much. I love you, and I’ll always be with you…. ”

“Y/N…. No!” Spencer begged, tears dripping down his cheeks.

“I love you Spencer… Please take care of her, bring the girls up together. You mean everything to me. I love you so much.”

“The ambulance is on its way, it’ll be here any second. Please just hold on” the man was frantic and Y/N hated seeing him like this, she wished she could hold on, but she couldn’t. It was too late.

The cell disappeared from in front of her and she cast her eyes to Georgia who was also crying , the words “I’m so sorry” being repeated over and over.

Y/N knew what she was sorry for, all the wasted time caused by the web of lies that was spun years before.

“Gee, it’s okay. Take… take care of them all. Please.”

The woman nodded and Y/N looked back to Spencer who was now weeping. “I love you so much Y/N” his words cracked and broken. “You can’t leave me, you can’t leave us.”

“I’ll always… I’ll always be here… I…. I love… you.”

Y/N’s eyes started to blur but she caught sight of a familiar figure standing over Spencer’s shoulder, his hand outstretched and a sad smile on his face.

Her father.

Everything was always okay when she was with her father, so everything would be okay now right?

She allowed her eyes to close and her hand to reach out to meet his.

“Daddy? Do I have to?”

The man nodded sadly at her and she accepted her fate.

Her daughter had her father now, and Y/N was back with hers.

It would all be okay, she told herself as she walked hand in hand with her dad.

“Don’t look back baby, not yet. You can look in on them in a while. Okay?”

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the those that aren't aware, there is a sequel to this story called Help! Not Just Anybody.

**Author's Note:**

> It's a big ask but if you’re enjoying my content and you’re financially able to then you may consider buying me a Ko-Fi as a way of financially supporting my writing. Many thanks to you if you do, it means so much to me that anyone might enjoy my work enough to dontate to me
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/cherrywhisp


End file.
